"Do they have to get mad?"

Sometimes the greatest reminders come from the mouths of children.  A co-ed indoor soccer game turned sour last night when a scuffle between my teammate and a decidedly skilled opponent turned into a display of machismo.  I saw my teammate, normally so calm and sweet, standing chest to chest with this player -- both men puffed up with adrenaline, testosterone, and self-preservation. Luckily, no punches flew but there was a palpable feeling of anger, frustration, and excitement as the two players were pulled apart.  I saw my teammate's glazed look --- the adrenaline coursing through his veins -- as he was led to the bench to cool down.

A young boy who couldn't have been more than 8 years old snuck over from the sidelines.   Confused by the display, he asked me: "do they have to get mad like that?"  My response was immediate:"no, of course not," I said, "sometimes guys are silly and loose control of their emotions. You don't have to be like that." I rolled my eyes and shook my head as if the boy and I were superior to those hot heads on the field.  But inside I was rocked by the young boy's astute observation. Truthfully, I was no better. I had come off the field moments before with as much frustration as the two men had just displayed.  I wasn't playing as well as I wanted too. I was sleep deprived and drained from a full week of pushing my limits at work, on the soccer field, and in social settings. I had gone head to head with that same player a number of times and I think my pride was stung as much as my body from the experience.  I still have the bruises to show for it:

In that moment, I had lost sight of why I play soccer. Truthfully, I hadn't actually wanted to come to the game but instead had felt an overwhelming obligation to my teammates. Soccer usually brings me so much joy so for it to becoming a mere obligation is a serious warning sign. In the melting pot of too many obligations and not enough relaxation, I had begun to almost resent my lovely outlet.  There is a valuable lesson here -- stretch yourself too thin and you run the risk of being unable to fully experience each moment with clarity and joy.  That is not how I want to live my life -- and I am humbled by the reminder.

Children have a perspective untarnished by the ego's hunger for validation and superiority.  If they play soccer they do it to play, they do it because it makes them feel good, because it is an adventure, because they love it.  Perhaps that is why it is such a joy to be around children -- they have not forgotten how to play and how to keep a positive perspective on the little things that seem to trip us up in adulthood. Being a few minutes late, getting stuck in traffic, getting stood up on a date, miscommunication with parents, partners, siblings, coworkers, friends.  These things are transient. Do we have to get mad about them? Absolutely not. These things do not have to rule our lives -- especially if they no longer serve us as they once did. I am excited to renew my commitment to replacing the things that no longer serve me and cultivating the things that do.