True Love Exists

What does love look like in the 21st century? 

Does true compassion exist? So often we love another in an attempt to validate ourselves. This is not love but self-love. And perhaps it's not even self-love because it is coming from a place of scarcity, from thinking we are not enough. We need to reassure ourselves that we are enough, that we are lovable, that the world sees and appreciates our value. Even making another person feel good or acting in a generous way can be an act of selfishness if our motivation for action is for the sense of reassurance that "I am a good person" or for the joy, peace, and comfort that comes from bringing joy to another person.

Granted, if all motivations of pleasure and pain are inherently selfish, not all forms of selfishness are created equal. Mutual rapture is light years away from sexual abuse. Giving to charity or helping your neighbor may be a selfish act if it is done for the personal validation of improving someone else's life but it is far superior to stealing from someone.

In the Jewish tradition there is a saying "the anonymous mitzvah is the greatest mitzvah." A mitzvah is an act of service or kindness. If you were to perform a good deed and ask yourself: "would I be doing this even if I never gained recognition for it" what would be your answer? If it would no longer be worth performing, perhaps motivation is coming from a desire for validation, appreciation, recognition, or love.

Here's the good thing: if you bring your attention to it, if you are willing to look at your moment to moment experience and entertain the idea that you may be acting out of selfishness, that selfishness can not hold. Selfishness breaks apart, dissolves, just like an emotion. It may come back again and again, in various forms but if we remain a compassionate and courageous observer it loses it's power.

I do believe that true compassion, true love, and true selflessness exist.